I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
