Having a random hookup so left but love u
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
