There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
