in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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