Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
