I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
