I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
