I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sext me about skeletons
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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