It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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