I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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