We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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