she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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