My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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