I smell stomach acid.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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