Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
