The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
