I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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