What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
