FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
