My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm way too hungover for life right now
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
