1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
