I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
