Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
