I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
