just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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