I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
