Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
