i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
