hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
