i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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