Who wears a wallet chain?!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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