Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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