Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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