omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she smelled like a LAN party
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
