it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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