we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
