yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
