cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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