i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
