My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
