Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
