dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
