worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
