Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
