the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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