I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
