Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
