I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
