so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
