I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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