My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
