I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
