It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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